Jokes
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- mayan
- Posts: 2080
- Joined: 11 Jan 2015 23:22
- Location: USA
Re: Jokes
Here's a similar Mandarin/English bilingual joke copied from another website:
Deng Xiaoping is visiting the US. Tired of being shadowed by his entourage at all times, he decides to go for a walk on his own. This alarms his translators and bodyguards who fear that Mr. Deng will get into trouble since he does not speak any English. However, realizing that they cannot change his mind, they decide to at least prepare him in case he gets stopped by the police. "If you get stopped", they coached him, "they'll first ask for your surname and then they'll ask for your given name. Just tell them and everything will be fine". So Mr. Deng goes out and enjoys himself. A policeman recognizes him. Having heard that Mr. Deng prides himself in his knowledge of American history, he decides to start a conversation with an appropriate subject.
Policeman: Who was the first president of the U.S?
Mr. Deng: 我姓邓。 (Wǒ xìng Dèng. [wɔ˨˩ ɕiŋ˥˧ tɤŋ˥˩] "My surname is Deng.")
Policeman: Yes, Washington. And what are you doing in the U.S?
Mr. Deng: 小平。 (Xiǎopíng. [ɕjɑʊ̯˨˩pʰiŋ˧˥] "Xiaoping.")
Policeman: Ah, shopping. Very good. Have nice day!.
Deng Xiaoping is visiting the US. Tired of being shadowed by his entourage at all times, he decides to go for a walk on his own. This alarms his translators and bodyguards who fear that Mr. Deng will get into trouble since he does not speak any English. However, realizing that they cannot change his mind, they decide to at least prepare him in case he gets stopped by the police. "If you get stopped", they coached him, "they'll first ask for your surname and then they'll ask for your given name. Just tell them and everything will be fine". So Mr. Deng goes out and enjoys himself. A policeman recognizes him. Having heard that Mr. Deng prides himself in his knowledge of American history, he decides to start a conversation with an appropriate subject.
Policeman: Who was the first president of the U.S?
Mr. Deng: 我姓邓。 (Wǒ xìng Dèng. [wɔ˨˩ ɕiŋ˥˧ tɤŋ˥˩] "My surname is Deng.")
Policeman: Yes, Washington. And what are you doing in the U.S?
Mr. Deng: 小平。 (Xiǎopíng. [ɕjɑʊ̯˨˩pʰiŋ˧˥] "Xiaoping.")
Policeman: Ah, shopping. Very good. Have nice day!.
- WeepingElf
- greek
- Posts: 534
- Joined: 23 Feb 2016 18:42
- Location: Braunschweig, Germany
- Contact:
Re: Jokes
That's a good one. Thanks for sharing!
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- mayan
- Posts: 2080
- Joined: 11 Jan 2015 23:22
- Location: USA
Re: Jokes
Here's a joke that happens to work equally well in English and Spanish:
¿Adónde van los gatos cuando se mueren?
Al purGATOrio.
Where do cats go when they die?
PURRgatory.
¿Adónde van los gatos cuando se mueren?
Al purGATOrio.
Where do cats go when they die?
PURRgatory.
Edit: Apparently it also works in Italian and Portuguese:
Dove vanno i gatto quando muoiono?
Nel purGATTOrio.
Para onde os gatos vão quando morrem?
Para o purGATOrio.
Dove vanno i gatto quando muoiono?
Nel purGATTOrio.
Para onde os gatos vão quando morrem?
Para o purGATOrio.
- k1234567890y
- mayan
- Posts: 2401
- Joined: 04 Jan 2014 04:47
- Contact:
Re: Jokes
It is said that jokes often have something to do with the feeling of superiority, in many cases we make jokes to make ourselves feel superior than others, and there are many "politically incorrect" jokes...
http://www.richardwiseman.com/LaughLab/super.html
http://www.richardwiseman.com/LaughLab/super.html
I prefer to not be referred to with masculine pronouns and nouns such as “he/him/his”.
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- sinic
- Posts: 417
- Joined: 24 Nov 2014 17:31
Re: Jokes
What would be its reflex like? Jolar/juelo or yolar/yuelo in Spanish, giolare/giuolo in Italian... and joar/joo in Portuguese, even a joara in Romanian?loglorn wrote:Iolō
Lostlang plans: Oghur Turkic, Gallaecian Celtic, Palaeo-Balkanic
- Dormouse559
- moderator
- Posts: 2946
- Joined: 10 Nov 2012 20:52
- Location: California
Re: Jokes
Proper use of English adverbs:
Spoiler:
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- rupestrian
- Posts: 24
- Joined: 02 Aug 2016 22:38
Re: Jokes
The English alphabet has 26 alphabets. If E and T leaves how many alphabets in the English Alphabet is left?
Answer: 21, since E and T makes ET, which is an alien. So, it needs to take UFO with them.
Answer: 21, since E and T makes ET, which is an alien. So, it needs to take UFO with them.
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- sinic
- Posts: 417
- Joined: 24 Nov 2014 17:31
Re: Jokes
Well, only Mongolian, Kazakh, Serbian-Bosnian-Montenegrin and Persian-Tajik etc. have more than one alphabet.
Lostlang plans: Oghur Turkic, Gallaecian Celtic, Palaeo-Balkanic
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- mayan
- Posts: 2080
- Joined: 11 Jan 2015 23:22
- Location: USA
Re: Jokes
A Mandarin pun:
Simplified:
为什么飞机飞这么高都不会撞到星星呢?
因为星星会闪。
Traditional:
為什麼飛機飛這麼高都不會撞到星星呢?
因為星星會閃。
Translation:
Why don't airplanes bump into the stars while flying so high?
Because the stars shine.
(The joke is that 闪/閃 can mean either "to shine" or "to dodge", so the punchline could be interpreted as "because the stars shine" or "because the stars get out of the way")
Simplified:
为什么飞机飞这么高都不会撞到星星呢?
因为星星会闪。
Traditional:
為什麼飛機飛這麼高都不會撞到星星呢?
因為星星會閃。
Translation:
Why don't airplanes bump into the stars while flying so high?
Because the stars shine.
(The joke is that 闪/閃 can mean either "to shine" or "to dodge", so the punchline could be interpreted as "because the stars shine" or "because the stars get out of the way")
Re: Jokes
Just a quick one:
"In France, people are so tough the eat pain every day"
"In France, people are so tough the eat pain every day"
You can tell the same lie a thousand times,
But it never gets any more true,
So close your eyes once more and once more believe
That they all still believe in you.
Just one time.
But it never gets any more true,
So close your eyes once more and once more believe
That they all still believe in you.
Just one time.
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- mayan
- Posts: 2080
- Joined: 11 Jan 2015 23:22
- Location: USA
Re: Jokes
My current favorite Spanish pun:
P: ¿Qué le dice el 1 al 10?
R: Para ser como yo, debes ser sincero.
Translation:
Q: What does the 1 say to the 10?
R: To be like me, you should be sincere.
P: ¿Qué le dice el 1 al 10?
R: Para ser como yo, debes ser sincero.
Translation:
Q: What does the 1 say to the 10?
R: To be like me, you should be sincere.
Spoiler:
- Dormouse559
- moderator
- Posts: 2946
- Joined: 10 Nov 2012 20:52
- Location: California
Re: Jokes
Awhile ago, a dead body was found at the point where the borders of Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico and Utah meet. To deal with the unusual situation, each of those states sent an official to determine the cause of death. The event was called Four Coroners.
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- mayan
- Posts: 2080
- Joined: 11 Jan 2015 23:22
- Location: USA
Re: Jokes
Two jokes I came up with:
Q: What does a Japanese person say if you ask them do describe the sky and then punch them in the gut?
A: 青い!
Q: What disease will a Japanese person always deny having if you suggest that they have it?
A: Sojanitis
Q: What does a Japanese person say if you ask them do describe the sky and then punch them in the gut?
A: 青い!
Q: What disease will a Japanese person always deny having if you suggest that they have it?
A: Sojanitis
Spoiler:
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- mayan
- Posts: 2080
- Joined: 11 Jan 2015 23:22
- Location: USA
Re: Jokes
I recently came across this Latin quote:
Beati hispani, quibis vivere bibere est.
Translation: The lucky Spanish, for whom living is drinking.
When I saw the quote, it was attributed to Julius Caesar, although that might not actually be who said it. The quote is a pun, because at the time, Latin speakers of modern-day Spain would merge <b> and <v> (this is still true of modern-day Spanish) so that vivere "to live" and bibere "to drink" were pronounced the same.
(Or, since vivere has a long i and bibere has a short i, perhaps the quote is really referencing the fact that Spaniards would mix up vivere and bibere in writing, not in speech. Or maybe it's simply referencing the fact that they pronounced <b> and <v> the same, without regard to the fact that they would have pronounced vivere and bibere differently because of the vowel length difference. I suppose it's possible that Spaniards of the time merged the vowels as well, but that's unlikely since Latin long and short i in most cases ultimately became modern Spanish /i/ and /e/, respectively, as in modern Spanish vivir "to live" and beber "to drink".)
Beati hispani, quibis vivere bibere est.
Translation: The lucky Spanish, for whom living is drinking.
When I saw the quote, it was attributed to Julius Caesar, although that might not actually be who said it. The quote is a pun, because at the time, Latin speakers of modern-day Spain would merge <b> and <v> (this is still true of modern-day Spanish) so that vivere "to live" and bibere "to drink" were pronounced the same.
(Or, since vivere has a long i and bibere has a short i, perhaps the quote is really referencing the fact that Spaniards would mix up vivere and bibere in writing, not in speech. Or maybe it's simply referencing the fact that they pronounced <b> and <v> the same, without regard to the fact that they would have pronounced vivere and bibere differently because of the vowel length difference. I suppose it's possible that Spaniards of the time merged the vowels as well, but that's unlikely since Latin long and short i in most cases ultimately became modern Spanish /i/ and /e/, respectively, as in modern Spanish vivir "to live" and beber "to drink".)
Re: Jokes
Actually it looks more like a parody of the Beatitudes from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, as from the Vulgate (eg. "Beati pacifici, quoniam filii Dei vocabuntur"). One could read it as being similar to The Life of Brian's "Blessed are the cheesemakers..."GrandPiano wrote:I recently came across this Latin quote:
Beati hispani, quibis vivere bibere est.
Translation: The lucky Spanish, for whom living is drinking.
When I saw the quote, it was attributed to Julius Caesar, although that might not actually be who said it. The quote is a pun, because at the time, Latin speakers of modern-day Spain would merge <b> and <v> (this is still true of modern-day Spanish) so that vivere "to live" and bibere "to drink" were pronounced the same.
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Conlangs: Hawntow, Yorkish, misc.
she/her
Conlangs: Hawntow, Yorkish, misc.
she/her
- Dormouse559
- moderator
- Posts: 2946
- Joined: 10 Nov 2012 20:52
- Location: California
Re: Jokes
What kind of perfume did they wear on the Hindenburg?
Eau de humanity!
Eau de humanity!
Re: Jokes
Probably a bad pun.
Alright, I know that there are Polynesian languages... What about Mononesian languages?
ba-dum-tsss...
Alright, I know that there are Polynesian languages... What about Mononesian languages?
ba-dum-tsss...
Languages of Rodentèrra: Buonavallese, Saselvan Argemontese; Wīlandisċ Taulkeisch; More on the road.
Conlang embryo of TELES: Proto-Avesto-Umbric ~> Proto-Umbric
New blog: http://argentiusbonavalensis.tumblr.com
Conlang embryo of TELES: Proto-Avesto-Umbric ~> Proto-Umbric
New blog: http://argentiusbonavalensis.tumblr.com